Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/227

Rh clear as water after any excitement. Bowels usually regular; but should they not be, then come all the symptoms of female obstipation. Sleep is poor,—for weeks at a time only two or three hours long. Appetite quite good; but, on the whole, my stomach will not bear more than that of a strong woman, and reacts to irritating food with cutaneous eruption and burning in the urethra. The skin is white, and, for the most part, feels quite smooth; there has been unbearable cutaneous itching for the last two years; but during the last few weeks it has diminished, and is now present only in the popliteal spaces and on the scrotum.

“Tendency to perspire. Perspiration was previously as good as wanting, but now there are all the odious peculiarities of the female perspiration, particularly about the lower part of the body; so that I have to keep myself cleaner than a woman. (I perfume my handkerchief, and use perfumed soap and eau-de-Cologne.)

“General Feeling: I feel like a woman in a man’s form; and even though I often am sensible of the man’s form, yet it is always in a feminine sense. Thus, for example, I feel the penis as clitoris; the urethra as urethra and vaginal orifice, which always feels a little wet, even when it is actually dry; the scrotum as labia majora; in short, I always feel the vulva. And all that that means one alone can know who feels or has felt so. But the skin all over my body feels feminine; it receives all impressions, whether of touch, of warmth, or whether unfriendly, as feminine, and I have the sensations of a woman. I cannot go with bare hands, as both heat and cold trouble me. When the time is past when we men are permitted to carry sun-umbrellas, I have to endure great sensitiveness of the skin of my face, until sun-umbrellas can again be used. On awaking in the morning, I am confused for a few moments, as if I were seeking for myself; then the imperative feeling of being a woman awakens. I feel the sense of the vulva (that one is there), and always greet the day with a soft or loud sigh; for I have fear again of the play that must be carried on throughout the day. I had to learn everything anew; the knife—apparatus, everything—has felt different for the last three years; and with the change of muscular sense I had to learn everything over again. I have been successful, and only the use of the saw and bone-chisel are difficult; it is almost as if my strength were not quite sufficient. On the other hand, I have a keener sense of touch in working with the curette in the soft parts. It is unpleasant that, in examining ladies, I often feel their sensations; but this, indeed, does not repell them. The most unpleasant thing I experience is fœtal movement. For along time—several months—I was troubled by reading the thoughts of both sexes, and I still have to fight against it. I can endure it better with women; with men it is repugnant. Three years ago I had not yet consciously seen the world with a woman’s eyes; this change in the relation of the eyes to the brain came almost suddenly, with violent headache. I was with a lady whose sexual feeling