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198 pollutions. My inclination toward the opposite sex grew less and less. At nineteen I went to the University. The theatre had more attractions for me. I wished to become an actor. My parents were not willing. At the Capital I was compelled now and then to visit girls with my comrades. I feared such a situation; because I knew that coitus was impossible for me, and because my friends might discover my impotence. Therefore, I avoided, as far as possible, the danger of becoming the butt of jokes and ridicule.

“One evening, in the opera-house, an old gentleman sat near me. He courted me. I laughed heartily at the foolish old man, and entered into his joke. Exinapinato genitalia mea prehendit, quo facto statim penis meus se erexit. Frightened, I demanded of him what he meant. He said that he was in love with me. Having heard of hermaphrodites in the clinics, I thought I had one before me, and became curious to see his genitals. The old man was very willing, and went with me to the water-closet. Sicuti penem maximum ejus erectum adspexi, perterritus effugi.

“This man followed me, and made strange proposals which I did not understand, and repelled. He did not give me any rest. I learned the secrets of male love for males, and felt that my sexuality was excited by it. But I resisted the shameful passion (as I then regarded it), and, for the next three years, I remained free from it. During this time I repeatedly attempted coitus with girls in vain. My attempts to free myself of my impotence by means of medical treatment were also vain. Once, when my libido sexualis was troubling me again, I recalled what the old man had told me: that male-loving men were accustomed to meet on the E. Promenade.

“After a hard struggle, and with beating heart, I went there, made the acquaintance of a blonde man, and allowed myself to be seduced. The first step was taken. This kind of sexual love was satisfactory to me. I always preferred to be in the arms of a strong man. The satisfaction consisted of mutual manustupration; occasionally in osculum ad penem alterius. I was then twenty-three years old. Sitting, together with my comrades, on the beds of patients in the clinic during the lectures, excited me so intensely that I could scarcely listen to the lectures. In the same year I entered into a formal love-relation with a merchant of thirty-four. We lived as man and wife. X. played the man, and fell more and more in love. I gave up to him, but now and then I had to play the man. After a time I grew tired of him, became unfaithful, and he became jealous. There were terrible scenes, which led to temporary separation, and finally to actual rupture. (The merchant afterward became insane, and died by suicide.)

“I made many acquaintances, and loved the most ordinary people. I preferred those having a full beard, and who were tall and of middle age, and able to play the active rôle well. I developed a proctitis. The