Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/210

192 evening I accompanied a friend home, and in a mild state of intoxication I grasped him ad genitalia. He made but slight opposition. I then went up to his room with him, and we practiced mutual masturbation. From that time we indulged in it quite frequently; in fact, it came to immissio penis in os, with resultant ejaculations. But it is strange that I was not at all in love with this person, but passionately in love with another friend, near whom I never felt the slightest sexual excitement, and whom I never connected with sexual matters, even in thought. My visits to brothels, where I was gladly received, became more infrequent; in my friend I found a substitute, and did not desire sexual intercourse with women.

“We never practiced pederasty, and that word was not even known between us. From the beginning of this relation with my friend, I again masturbated more frequently, and naturally the thought of females receded more and more into the background, and I thought more and more about young, handsome, strong men with the largest genitals. I preferred young fellows, from sixteen to twenty-five years old, without beards, but they had to be handsome and clean. Young laborers dressed in trousers of Manchester cloth or English leather, particularly masons, especially excited me.

“Persons in my own position had hardly any effect on me; but, at the sight of one of those strapping fellows of the lower class, I experienced marked sexual excitement. It seems to me that the touch of such trousers, the opening of them, and the grasping of the penis, as well as kissing the fellow, would be the greatest delight. My sensibility to female charms is somewhat dulled; yet in sexual intercourse with a woman, particularly when she has well-developed mammæ, I am always potent without the help of imagination. I have never attempted to make use of a young laborer, or the like, for the satisfaction of my evil desires, and never shall; but I often feel the longing to do it. I often impress on myself the mental image of such a man, and then masturbate at home.

“I am absolutely devoid of taste for female work. I rather like to move in female society, but dancing is repugnant to me. I have a lively interest in the fine arts. That my sexual sense is partly reversed is, I believe, in part due to greater convenience, which keeps me from entering into a relation with a girl; as the latter is a matter of too much trouble. To be constantly visiting houses of prostitution is, for æsthetic reasons, repugnant to me; and thus I am always returning to solitary onanism, which is very difficult for me to avoid.

“Hundreds of times I have said to myself that, in order to have a normal sexual sense, it would be necessary for me, first of all, to overcome my irresistible passion for onanism,—a practice so repugnant to my æsthetic feeling. Again and again I have resolved with all my might to fight this passion; but I am still unsuccessful. When I felt the sexual impulse gaining strength, instead of seeking satisfaction in the natural