Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/130

112 shame, kept him from confessing. He found a substitute in his dreams. Thus, for example, he dreamed that he was a proud, fiery steed, ridden by a beautiful lady. He felt her weight, the bit he had to obey, the pressure of the thighs on his flanks; he heard her beautiful, joyous voice. The exertion threw him into a perspiration; the touch of the spurs did the rest, and always induced pollution with great lustful pleasure. At other times he dreamed that he was a small, weak horse. Then a large, heavy woman came and mounted the horse, and set off on a long journey in the mountains. Recklessly, and without mercy, she allowed the poor animal to feel her weight; she made herself comfortable on his back; while he threatened to give out under her, she had the greatest enjoyment, and with calm mind enjoyed the beautiful scenery. Under the influence of such dreams, seven years ago Z. overcame his reluctance, in order to experience such things in reality. He was successful in creating suitable opportunity. He speaks of it as follows: “I knew how to arrange it so that on an occasion she would, of her own will, seat herself on my back. Then I endeavored to make this situation as pleasant as possible, and easily made it so that on the next occasion she said, spontaneously: ‘Come, give me a little ride!’ Swelling with pride, and with both hands braced on a chair, I made my back horizontal, and she mounted astride, after the manner of a man. I then did the best I could to imitate the movements of a horse, and loved to have her treat me like a horse, without any thought of me. She could beat, prick, scold, or caress me, just as she felt inclined. I could carry on my back persons weighing from sixty to eighty kilos. for half or three-quarters of an hour, without interruption. At the end of this time I usually asked for a rest. During this the intercourse between the mistress and me was perfectly harmless and without any relation to what had preceded. After about a quarter of an hour I was always rested, and placed myself at the disposal of the mistress again. When time and circumstances allowed it, I did this three or four times in succession. It sometimes happened that I practiced it both in the morning and afternoon. After it I never felt weary or had any uncomfortable feeling; but on such days I had very little appetite. When possible, I liked best to bare my trunk, that I might feel the rider more perfectly. The mistress had to be decent. I liked her best in pretty shoes and stockings, with short, closed drawers, reaching to the knee; with the upper portion of her person completely dressed, and with hat and gloves.”

Mr. Z. further says that he has not performed coitus in seven years; but he thinks he is potent. The riding was a perfect substitute for that “animal act,” even when ejaculation was not induced.

For eight months Z. had determined to give up his masochistic play, and had kept his determination. But he thought that if a woman only half-way pretty were to address him directly, and say, “Come, I want to ride you,” he would not be strong enough to withstand the tempta-