Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/123

Rh of no case of mental disease. My father, who, at my birth, was thirty years old, as far as I know, had a preference for voluptuous, large women.

Even in my early childhood I loved to revel in ideas about the absolute mastery of one man over others. The thought of slavery had something exciting in it for me, and alike whether from the stand-point of master or servant. That one man could possess, sell, or whip another, caused me intense excitement; and in reading “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” (which I read at about the beginning of puberty), I had erections. Particularly exciting for me was the thought of a man’s being hitched up before a wagon in which another man sat with a whip, driving and whipping him. Until my twentieth year these ideas were purely objective and sexless,—i.e., the one in subjugation in my fancy was another (not myself), and the master was not necessarily a woman. These ideas were, therefore, without effect on my sexual instinct,—i.e., on the way in which it was expressed. Though these ideas caused erections, yet I have never masturbated in my life; and from my nineteenth year I had coitus without the help of these ideas and without any relation to them. I always had a great preference for elderly, voluptuous, large women, though I did not scorn younger ones.

After my twenty-first year my ideas became objective, and it became an essential thing that the “mistress” should be a woman over forty years old, tall, and powerful. From this time I was always, in my fancies, the subject; the “mistress” was a rough woman, who made use of me in every way, also sexually; who harnessed me before a carriage, and made me take her for a drive; whom I must follow like a dog; at whose feet I must lie naked, and be punished—i.e., whipped—by her. This was the constant element in my ideas, around which all others were grouped. In these fancies I always found endless pleasure, which caused erection, but never ejaculation. As a result of the induced sexual excitement, I would immediately seek a woman, preferably one corresponding exteriorly with my ideal, and have coitus with her without any actual imitation of my fancies, and sometimes also without any thought of them during the act. At the same time, I also had inclination toward women of a different kind, and had coitus with them without being impelled to it by my fancy.

Notwithstanding all this, my life was not exceedingly abnormal sexually; yet these ideas were certain to occur periodically, and they have remained essentially unchanged. With growing sexual desire, the intervals constantly grew shorter. At the present time the ideas come every two or three weeks. If I have had coitus, the occurrence of the fancies is perhaps postponed. I have never attempted to realize my very definite and characteristic ideas,—i.e., to connect them with the objective world,—but I have contented myself with reveling in the thoughts; because I was convinced that my ideal would not allow even an approach to realization. The thought of a comedy with paid prostitutes always seemed to