Page:Philochristus, Abbott, 1878.djvu/375

Rh crossing the brook, I began to go out by the way which leadeth to Bethany. But ever as I went up the mountain, I pondered over the words of Judas, "He is not dead, I have seen him:" for I could not forget them, nor put them away from my mind. And behold, whithersoever I looked in the twilight, all things bore witness unto Jesus and seemed to say the same words, "We have seen him. He is not dead." For if I looked back at the city gates, then I remembered how Jesus had lately passed through them in triumph; and if I looked on the road before me, then every tree and rock seemed to testify that Jesus had but now been there again and again, in his passing between Bethany and the city; and at one place he had spoken a certain parable: at another, he had sat down and rested; or at a third, we had asked him certain questions and he had answered them. Thus the whole of the mountain and all things thereon seemed to cry aloud with one consent, "He is not dead;" but my heart cried back again, "Nay, but he is dead indeed."

When at last I came in my wanderings nigh to the top of the mount, even to the stone whereon Jesus had sat down in the midst of the disciples and had prophesied of his coming, then could I no longer refrain myself; but I threw myself on the ground in a passion of tears and sobbings, beating my breast and rending my garments. And when I desired to cry unto the Lord in my agony, behold, the words of Jesus on the cross came into my mouth; and if I tried to fashion some other prayer, no other words would come to me, but I could do naught but repeat them over and over again, crying unto the Lord and saying, "Why hast Thou forsaken him? Why hast Thou forsaken him?" So speaking, I scarce refrained from doing even as Judas had done, so as to curse the day wherein I was born; and I became again as one distraught.