Page:Penny-worth of wit (3).pdf/9

 9

humbly beg your pardon,' said the carpenter; 'had I known it had been FOR YOUR LORD- SHIP, it should have been done immediately.

16. HOLY WATER.-- A friend of mine was once present at the house of a French Lady in                 Canada, when, a violent thunder-storm com- menced. The shutters were immediately closed, and the room darkened. The lady of the house, not willing to leave the safety of herself and com- pany to chance, began to search her closets for a                 bottle of water, which, by a sudden flash of                  lighting, she fortunately found. The bottle was uncorked, and its contents immediately sprinkled over the ladies and gentlemen. It                 was a most dreadful storm, and lasted a consid- erable time; she therefore redoubled her sprink- lings and benedictions at every clap of thunder or flash of lightning. At length the storm abated, and the party were providentially saved from its effects; which the good lady attributed solely to the precious water. But when the shutters were opened, and the light admitted, the company found--to the destruction of their white gowns and muslin handkerchiefs, their coats, waistcoats, and breeches--that, instead of                 holy water, the pious lady had sprinkled them with INK. 17. An Englishman and a Scotchman coming in both together to an inn on the road, found nothing to be had but a piece of mutton and a chicken; so one would have the chicken, and another would have it, and began to quarrel.