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 UEEN—Oh, no; we bring you back to bliss and Alton. And now tell me: with all the world to choose from, why on earth did you go to live at the bottom of that Iowa culvert?

OLANTHE—To be near my son Strephon.

UEEN—Your son! I did n't know you had a son. I hardly think you 'd oughter, Iolanthe.

OLANTHE—He was born shortly after I left my husband at your royal command.

EILA—What is he?

OLANTHE—He is an Arcadian brakesman. He is one of those extremely pure young persons who have passed a competitive examination of intelligence before they can become anything on the Alton Road. Ah, here he is.

TREPHON— Good morrow, good mother; I 'm to be married to-morrow.

OLANTHE—Then the Counselor has at last given his consent to your marriage with his beautiful ward Phyllis.

TREPHON—Alas! no. He is obdurate. He wants nothing less than a General Passenger Agent.

UEEN—But how to get round this difficulty with the Counselor. Should you like to be a General Passenger Agent?

TREPHON—That would hardly do. You see I am half human, half fairy. My body is of the Alton Fairy kind, but my legs are of another line, and would be likely to take me on the wrong track.

UEEN—Well, your fairyhood does n't seem to have interfered with your digestion.

TREPHON—It is the curse of my existence. What 's the use of being half a fairy? My body can go through the air-brake pipe, but if my legs ever get between the couplers, I 'm a goner. There is one advantage: by making myself invisible down to the waist, I have collected damages from one railway company several times, because they could n't find the rest of me after an accident. My legs, I suppose, will die some day, and then what will be the use of my bust? I can't satisfy Phyllis with half a husband.