Page:Paine--J Archibauld McKaney collector of whiskers.djvu/182

 throw his cloak across my shoulders. While he was convincing the islanders by means of this pantomime that I was his friend he managed to tell me:

"My whiskers won in a walk, but it was uncomfortable for a while. 'Once bit, twice shy,' and they made me soak my beard in a tubful of powdered plug tobacco and water before they were sure I was the real thing. Follow me to the palace, and cast your eyes on the lovely specimens in my wake."

Upon my soul, the prodigious beards of our escort formed a sort of human jungle. They were trimmed and trained in such wholly original patterns as to convince me that the art of wearing whiskers has fatally degenerated among civilized races. I shook the hand of His Majesty King Wilkins I. in silent ecstacy. We did not catch even a glimpse of the luckless ruler so suddenly deposed by reason of our advent. He had climbed the back fence of the palace yard, his inadequate and superseded whiskers his only luggage, and fled by sea well ahead of the mob. 164]