Page:Pacific Monthly volumes 9 and 10.djvu/93



DRIFT

Too Str*A«fto«iS for Him

Mr. Petronious de Hamme, the eminent iraf^edian, was compelled by the exigencies of the play to carry the heroine up a rocky defile night after night.

Mr. de Hamme was not so sturdy as he used to be, and when the management cast Miss Vera Heweigh, who tipped the scales at three hundred and ten pounds, for the heroine, his spirit rose within him.

That night he made one mighty eflPort to carry her up the rocky defile, and then ad- vanced to the footlights. In an apologetic tone he inquired: "Is there a piano-mover in the audience?" — Woman's Home Com- panion.

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nephew Jim?" asked the visitor to his old home, of the genial uncle who was enter- taining him at dinner.
 * What ever became of your worthless

"Oh, he isn't worthless anymore," de- clared the uncle.

"He isn't? Well, I'm very glad to hear that Jim has turned over a new leaf. I al- ways thought there was some good in him."

"I don't know whether you could rightly ?>ay that it was good or bad that was in him, but he is the head of a big business concern now and is making money hand over fist."

"How did he do it?"

"Well, when his father died he thought he would sort of give Jim a little lesson be- cause of his evil ways; so he willed the old sawmill that had been in the family for years to Jim's brother Henry, but provided that Jim could have all the sawdust that came from the mill; and then, just to pile on the sarcasm, added another codicil to the effect that Henry should at all times provide Jim with all the sawdust he de- sired."

"Rather rough on Jim."

come back home and heard of the legacy he had received, and then he went away for a few weeks and came back with two or ihrec big-looking men. They pow-wowed around a whole lot, and finally bought a tract of land right beside the sawmill and put up the biggest factory plant you ever 5iaw. Then they commenced ordering saw- dust from Henry until he had to keep the sawmill running night and day, and just fiaw all the logs into dust instead of making any lumber of them."
 * Wait till I get through. One day Jim

"What did they do with the sawdust?"

"They had every grain of it hauled to the new factory."

"What for— press it into carwheels, or make fancy picture frames, or fill cushions with it?"

"Not much! They're turning out about a million boxes of health-food every week." — Judge.

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