Page:Oregon Historical Quarterly volume 18.djvu/234



206 Fred Wilbur Powell

pain in the head. In every instance, if the reading is ever so short, even a dozen pages, the eyes tire, and the head becomes confused, and I am slower of speech and tongue, and utterance is more stammering."^

"The ways of a righteous Providence are inscrutable to mortals. In all my past career they have seemed particularly and wonderfully merciful, yet mysterious. I talk of great achievements, yet am I one of the least of the instrumentalities employed in the spreading of knowledge, and the advancing of the work of the Redeemer's kingdom. When feeling the strongest, I am made sensible of weakness; when proud, am made humble. Once, I increased in riches, 'grew fat and kicked against the Lord,' and my adversaries came, and took away my possessions. Confident in my abilities to declaim and, other- wise, to hold forth before the public on the side of philan- thropy ; and, great diffidence came upon me. After some mor- tifying failures, I learned to be silent, was more wise, cared less to make an outside show, and more to make faith and ivorks my worth, I began to boost of what my communica- tions with intelligent and public-spirited men, and my books and tracts, spread about the land, were effecting in the field of benevolent enterprise, withholding from the mighty and Beneficent God too much of the praise due him; and I was smitten by the hand of the Lord; and came, comparatively, dumb before the people. . . ."^

"I live on, like some aged oak, lonely, on some bleak summit, withstanding storms and tempests, and smitten by thunder- bolts, a branchless trunk. By the help of God I live ; suffering poverty, the loss of health, and the bereavement of companion and children, and a persecution, terrible, and, in respect to dura- tion and the number of powerful and cruel perpetrators, doubt- less unparalleled in this age and country."'

Enough, perhaps more than enough, has been presented to show Kelley's attitude toward himself, with all its variations.

1 Kelley, Hist, of tht Settlement of Oregon, 4. U. iSc^-

2 Kelley, Narratwe of Events and uHficulHes, posttcnpt.

3 Ibid., 66.