Page:Oregon Historical Quarterly vol. 24.djvu/187

 Diary of Rev. George H. Gary 167 he was buried with the deceased son to wait on him; these boys thought much of each other while both were alive. It was with considerable difficulty that Br. Per- "kins finally got the living boy; during his dreadful night, he squirmed about so that he rolled the dead body off of him, or he probably would have died before morning. Monday, 9. This evening, another interview with Br. Perkins. This interview was preceded by a letter from him in which he proposes to recant his renunciation from all connection with the mission; but in the meantime sets forth his heart is not here and he is in state of condemna- tion for remaining here and has been for a long time. In our interview he appears very unsettled in his pur- poses; sticks to it he has suffered great anguish of spirit for staying here so long; yet represents that the time to go seems never to have come. Why herein is a mystery that a man's conscience should goad him so severely for not doing that which the time to do has never come. Moreover, he talks as though he wishes me to make him some offer in reference to translating the scriptures into the Walla Walla ; but as yet I have formed no opinion as to the propriety of such an enterprise, and, of course, can give no encouragement. My advice to Br. Perkins is plain and full, that unless he can feel that he is in the way of duty here, so as to have his heart here, he had better by all means to go back to his conference, if he has suffered as much from his conscience as he represents from remaining here so long, it is my decided judgment he should stay no longer if, by remaining, he prolongs this condemnation of spirit. If, at any future period, we should need him in the mission, and he should be so converted as to think he would be in the way of duty to serve, the arrangement will be open for consideration. Also I stated to him I was satisfied in my judgment he erred, but gave him credit for being honest in his opinion. Nothing will convince him of his error unless something aboard after he leaves this place should lead such a