Page:Once a Week Volume V.djvu/109

102 cost to me at first at 15l. to 20l.) He assured me “that various unexpected matters had turned up, which had taken a good deal of trouble to arrange,” but that now I was perfectly safe, and had nothing to do but to receive the proceeds of the property. I consoled myself with the thought that 45l. would soon be met by the rents coming in, and in another three months I should more than make it up.

Legal matters having been settled, I went to introduce myself to the tenants. Mr. Coffers, No. 1, was not at home. Mrs. C. received me somewhat distantly, but congratulated herself on having a fresh landlord, “for Mr. Jollybold,” she said, “was a low, ignorant fellow, and any change would doubtless be a change for the better.” No. 2 was also not at home, but Mrs. Crantin no sooner became acquainted with the purport of my visit than she requested me to look down into the kitchen and see if I could apply some remedy to prevent the chimney from smoking, which was at present intolerable. Cook would also show me where the pipe was stopped that had caused the back area to become flooded, which was in such a state that Mr. Crantin had threatened to call in the inspector of nuisances and compel Mr. Jollybold to remedy it; but I as the new landlord would do it as a matter of course for the sake of the property. I promised to get it done.

No. 3 was at home. His name was Dunderly. He was an elderly gentleman attached to scientific pursuits, and appeared in a dressing-gown and slippers, although it was five o’clock in the afternoon. The other portions of his attire were decidedly seedy, his hair was unkempt, and his beard of a fortnight’s growth.

“And so you have bought the property, Mr. Fingudgeon, eh?” said Mr. Dunderly: “and I hope, as you are no doubt a capitalist, you will do what I have been asking that lubber, Jollybold, to do ever since I took the place—to build me a laboratory at the back of the house. The fact is, I am damaging the property against my will, in carrying out my scientific experiments. Just look here,” and he opened the folding-doors between the front and back drawing-rooms. “Notice the ceiling.”

I looked up and saw a part of the plastering had fallen, showing the bare laths, and the whole ceiling was quite black.

“I can’t help such accidents occasionally,” he said, “when trying experiments with new gases. One of my retorts burst by the explosion of a new gas I was experimenting upon, and you see the effect. Now, if you were to build me a laboratory which would stand these effects, I should not be necessitated to conduct my experiments in this room.”

I thought I would be candid with him at once, so I told him I could not allow my house to be used in such a manner, and should expect him to put it into repair, and desist from carrying out his experiments there in future.

“My dear Flintgibbon—”

“Fingudgeon,” I suggested.

“Fingudgeon, I stand corrected. My dear Fingudgeon, don’t you know I have a clause in the agreement with Jollybold that I may use this room until the laboratory is erected—you don’t know it?”

“No,” I said.

“Just like Jollybold. I thought he would take somebody in with these houses. But he’s a shrewd fellow after all. I tell you what it is, Findragon, I was kicked about from pillar to post for half a dozen years until I met with this house. There wasn’t a landlord who would let me one, as my propensities are so well known, until Jollybold let me this. ‘I don’t care,’ said he, ‘how you use the house, only do me the kindness to keep the laboratory door shut, in case any one comes to look at the house, and I’ll give you a compliment when I catch a flat to buy ’em.’ And so he has caught you, Pinbutton, has he?” said Mr. Dunderly.

I felt irritated at his calling me so constantly out of my name, and with his impudent manner. I told him I would see my solicitor as to the way in which he was using the house, and he might very soon find himself troubled with law proceedings. His conduct I considered disgraceful.

“My dear Grimgibbon, don’t be so foolish,” he said. “Out of nothing, nothing can come. It’s no use going to law with a penniless fellow, and I shall always be penniless while I carry on these experiments, and I shall carry them on until I die. Probably blow myself to atoms, and some day, not unlikely, you will find the greater portion of my remains sticking to the laboratory rafters. But whatever you do, my dear Primbudgeon, don’t go to law.”

I left Tenant No. 3 in a pet, and was really glad that when I knocked at No. 4 the door was not answered.

When I got home my wife thus accosted me:

“John, I have been making a calculation of the profits we shall get out of our new houses, and I am going to keep an account of what they cost, and how much they bring in. See! I have put down on one side—

and we shall soon have the quarter’s rent come in, which I shall put down on the other side. But how do you like the tenants?”

“No. 1, as you know,” I said, “is highly respectable. No. 2 seems pretty good, but wants some repairs.”

“Not so soon, surely? Why Mr. Jollybold said there would be nothing wanted for a long time to come.”

“It seems the kitchen chimney smokes, and I suppose the landlord has to attend to that.”

“And No. 3 tenant?” asked my wife.

“He’s a curious fellow, very fond of experimenting on gases, and so on.” I was ashamed to tell her of the reception I had met with.

“And No. 4?”

“The tenant was not at home.”

I sent a jobbing bricklayer to No. 2, who ran me up a long bill. He was a great chimney doctor, and he declared the lady was delighted, as he had made it draw ‘first-rate, like a furnace.’ I could not help thinking I was being drawn myself as I told my wife to put down 6l. 13s. 2d. on the same side of the account.