Page:Odds and ends, or, A groat's-worth of fun for a penny (2).pdf/4

4 Mr. Ogilvie, minister of the parish of Lunan, in the county of Forfar, had a great deal of eccentri- city in his composition. One Sunday an old wo- man, who kept a public-house in the parish, with whom Mr. Ogilvie was well acquainted, fell asleep in the church during sermon-not an uncommon occurrence. Her neighbour kept jogging in order to awake her. Mr. Ogilvie observing this, cried out, Let her alane, I'll waken her mysel', I'll warrant ye'-' Phew! phew! (whistling), a bottle o' ale an' a dram, Janet.'-' Comin' Sir. was instantly replied. There now, says the minister, ' I tald ye it wadna be lang afore that I waken'd her!

AN OBEDIENT WIPE.-A Mr, P-n, of Dublin, was one morning boasting among his friends that he had the best wife in the world, and the reason he gave was, that she did every thing that he bid her: ' By Jasus,' said one of the party, I'll bet a dinner for the present party, that she will not boil a roasting pig', 'Done.' said the husband. To market a messenger was: despatched to buy the pig, the company taking care that the husband should have no means of communication with home, The pig being brought, was sent to his house with this message, that Mrs. P- -n was to have the roasting pig boiled, and sent to a certain tavern in time for dinger! The messenger, on delivering the pig to cookee, was accosted with, sure now, the master is mad !-boil a roasting pig!--By Jasus, I'll not boil the pig! Sure and now you have made a big ever, a pig is a pig, and I'll take it to the mistress; and sure and now it is a big blunder ! Boil a