Page:Odds and ends, or, A groat's-worth of fun for a penny (2).pdf/15

15 writing-master, going to Margate in a storm, 'I wish she'd rule them straighter.' An Irishman having a looking glass in his hand, shut his eyes, and placed it before his face; another asking him why he did so, Upon my soul, says Teague, 'it is to see how I look when I am asleep.'

A lady that had married a gentleman who was a tolerable poet, one day sitting alone with him, said, 'come my dear, you write upon other people -prithee; write something for me: let me see what epitaph you'll bestow on me when dead.' Oh! my dear, replied he, that's a melancholy subject! don't think of it.' "Nay, upon my life, yon shall,' says she; 'come, I'll begin: Here lies Bid.' To which he answered, 'Ah! I wish she did.'

Mr. O'Connel, who is remarkable for the suc- cessful verdicts he obtains, having been lately robbed of his wardrobe, replied to a friend that was lamenting his loss, Never mind, my dear Sir; for surely as I have gained so many suits, I afford to lose a few.'

The late Mr. Murray, who was of a very cre- dulous disposition, was telling a very strange and improbable story, when he observed Fawcett cast a very doubtful eye. 'Zounds, Sir,' says he, I saw the thing happen.' If you did,' says Faw- cett, 'I must believe it; but by - I would not have believed it if I had seen it myself.'

"A countryman busy sowing his ground, two smart fellows riding that way, one of them called to him with an insolent air, Well, honest fellow,' said he, tis your business to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labour.' To which the countryman replied, Tis very like you may, for I am sowing hemp.'