Page:Night and Day (1919).pdf/292

 arguments and phrases of Mr. Clacton fell flat against such armour.

“You'll be married, and you'll have other things to think of,” she said inconsequently, and with an accent of condescension. She was not going to make Katharine understand in a second, as she would, all that she herself had learnt at the cost of such pain. No. Katharine was to be happy; Katharine was to be ignorant; Mary was to keep this knowledge of the impersonal life for herself. The thought of her morning’s renunciation stung her conscience, and she tried to expand once more into that impersonal condition which was so lofty and so painless. She must check this desire to be an individual again, whose wishes were in conflict with those of other people. She repented of her bitterness.

Katharine now renewed her signs of leave-taking; she had drawn on one of her gloves, and looked about her as if in search of some trivial saying to end with. Wasn’t there some picture, or clock, or chest of drawers which might be singled out for notice? something peaceable and friendly to end the uncomfortable interview? The green-shaded lamp burnt in the corner, and illumined books and pens and blotting-paper. The whole aspect of the place started another train of thought and struck her as enviably free; in such a room one could work—one could have a life of one’s own.

“I think you’re very lucky,” she observed. “I envy you, living alone and having your own things”—and engaged in this exalted way, which had no recognition or engagement-ring, she added in her own mind.

Mary’s lips parted slightly. She could not conceive in what respects Katharine, who spoke sincerely, could envy her.

“I don’t think you’ve got any reason to envy me,” she said.