Page:My Life in Two Hemispheres, volume 2.djvu/225

 was a great humorist, and everybody could cite some happy mots of his, as notable for promptness as for felicity. He was addressing the House somewhat vaguely one evening, when a member of Cockney genesis interposed with a question to the Speaker, "May I ask, sir, what is before the 'Ouse?" "An 'H,' I submit," says Aspinall. On another occasion a mining member who was denouncing some Minister as almost as cruel as Nero or Diocletian, was asked sneeringly by a ministerial supporter, "Who was Diocletian?" The querist was a person of great self-importance, but much worried by a tradition that he was descended from butchers, and had himself when a boy carried a basket on his arm. "I am surprised," interposed Aspinall, "that the honourable member for X. needs to be told who was Diocletian. He was an eminent Roman butcher."

Dr. Evans said good things, but they were witty and wise rather than humorous. He was an old man, and it had become a familiar joke to speak of him as belonging to the era of Queen Anne. On some occasion when he referred to Queen Anne in a speech there were various cries of "Did you know her? What was she like?" "Yes, sir," rejoined the doctor, "I did know her. The scholar is contemporary with all time." Michie, who scorned puns, and never uttered mots which were not spontaneous, seasoned his speech as Disraeli's was seasoned, with happy turns of phrase and pertinent quotations, which gave the cultivated reader more enjoyment than bons mots. Ireland's jokes were altogether different, they were neither subtle humour nor intellectual play but the overflow of animal spirits. Here is a sample. Mr. Clarke, a millionaire, complained as witness in a commercial case that the demand for money was so slack that he had £60,000 lying at his bankers for a month with which he did not know what to do. Ireland immediately drew up a paper, which was handed round the bar, and even reached the Bench, and everywhere excited a burst of laughter. It ran in some such terms as these—"The six undernamed members of the Bar, moved with compassion for Mr. Clarke's unhappy position, are prepared to relieve him of his surplus cash to the extent of £10,000 each. Signed—Michie, Ireland, Dawson, and so forth."