Page:My Life and Loves.djvu/337

 I read her a part of the passage: "I see", she exclaimed, "but why do you want the books?"

"I want to take them with me", I said, "I mean to leave Lawrence at once and go to Germany to study!"

"Good gracious!" she cried, "how can you do that? I thought you were a partner of Sommerfeld's; you can't go at once!"

"I must", I said, "the ground burns under my feet: if I don't go now, I shall never go: I'll be out of Lawrence tomorrow!"

Mrs. Trask threw up her hands and remonstrated with me: such quick decisions were dangerous; "why should I be in such a hurry!"

I repeated time and again: "If I don't go at once, I shall never go: 'the ignoble pleasures' will grow sweeter and sweeter to me and I shall sink gradually and drown in the mud-honey of life."

Finally seeing I was adamant and my mind fixed: she sold me the books at full price with some demur, then she added:

"I almost wish I had never recommended Emerson to you!" and the dear lady looked distressed, almost on the verge of tears.

"Never regret that!" I cried, "I shall remember you as long as I live because of that and always be grateful to you. Professor Smith told me I ought to go; but it needed the word of Emerson to give me the last push! The buds of poetry and science and art shall not perish in me as they have 'perished already in a thousand, thousand men!' Thanks to you!" I added warmly, "all my best heart-thanks; you have been to me the messenger of high fortune."

I clasped her hands, wished to kiss her, but foolishly feared to hurt her and so contented myself with a long kiss on her hand and went out at once to find Sommerfeld.