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MY SECRET LIFE silk stockings on, and a clean chemise; and therefore call when I might she was ready to be fucked at a minute’s notice. She was a good cook, and would cook omlettes and nice things in her room. I used to fuck, get out of bed, eat, and fuck again with the food al- most in my mouth. I used to have little dinners in her room, sent in by a French cook, which were excellent, and then with stomach full and with nice wine, would spend the evening in baudy joys.

What astonished and delighted me at the same time, was the freedom and the way she lent herself to all my voluptuous inclinations. The gay women I had had, I had fucked so fast, and got away from them as soon as I could; my spend even scarcely ﬁnished at times. With my mother’s servants (my ﬁrst love Charlotte excepted, and for a time with Susan), my enjoyments were mostly hurried, a ﬁngerstink, a frig on their cunt, and a hurried look were all my amatory preliminaries f or the most part; because I was too impatient for the spend, was mostly obliged to seize opportunities in a hurry, or because the girls were impatient at being pulled about. When I had tried with them, some of the little amatory amusements, which were beginning to suggest themselves to my voluptuous imagination, they resisted, or only half lent themselves to my will. With Susan I had tried the most, because I knew she had had a bumbasting before, and she had been more willing; she liked pulling my prick about, but even she made a fuss one night, when I wanted to fuck her with her bum towards my belly, and never let me look at her belly. Thus my Ibaudy longings had never been sat- isﬁed. With Charlotte I did a little variety, from curi- osity; now I began to want it from voluptuousness. The —288—