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MY SECRET LIFE would induce her to let me have her; but if so, I was deceived.

Mother seemed to be keeping at home to baulk me. My chemicals had been taken back into the garden parlour. I knew she wanted to go to my aunt's; but one morning it was too hot, then it rained, and so on. How I restrained myself from frigging I don’t know, for I used to walk up and down my bed-room with my prick out still, and looking at it; at length a chance came—my last.

Mother went to aunt’s, the ugly housemaid said, ”As Master Tom wont be at home, do you mind my going out for a couple of hours?” “No,” said my mother, “when the cook is ready.” “Please will you tell the cook Mamm’,” said she, “or she wont let me go.” I had then a tutor in mathematics who came on that day, but promised to fetch mother home. I had many times broken my promises to do so, to enable me to get at Mary. Mother said, “I hope you mean what you say, you are getting a man, and should never break your word.” Anxious to know when the housemaid would go; I asked her. “I am not going till five o’clock, sir,” said she, “unless you particularly want the books,” “That will be too late, for I am to fetch mamma home,—never mind.”

I finished with my tutor, and out I went. But at about five o’clock came home near to the house, wondering if the housemaid had gone, (Mary I had not spoken a word to), waited in sight of the house, and at last saw a form I guessed to be the housemaid’s, going off fast towards the village; five minutes afterwards I knocked, and Mary opened the door. Said she, “What brings you home?” I said I was unwell, —151—