Page:Most remarkable passages in the life of the honourable Colonel James Gardiner.pdf/17

 and justice of God did almost necessarily require that such an enormous sinner should be made an example of everlasting vengeance and a spectacle, as such, both to angels and men; so that he hardly durst presume to pray for pardon: yet what he then suffered, was not so much from the fear of hell, though he concluded it would soon be his portion, as from a fear of that horrible ingratitude he had shewn to the God of his life, and to that, blessed Redeemer, who had been in so affecting a manner set forth as crucified before him. To this he refers in a letter, dated from Douglas, April 1, 1725, communicated to me by his Lady; but I know not to whom it was addressed. His words are these: "One thing relating to my conversion, and a remarkable instance of the goodness of God to me the chief of sinners, I do not remember that I ever told to any other person; it was this: That after the astonishing sight I had of my blessed Lord, the terrible condition in which I was, proceeded not so much from the terrors of the law, as from a sense of having been so ungrateful a monster to him whom I thought I saw pierced for my transgressions." I the rather insert these words, as they evidently attest the circumstance which may seem most amazing in this affair, and contain so express a declaration of his own apprehension concerning it.

The July before his death, he was persuaded to take a journey to Scarborough for the recovery of his health; from which he was at least encouraged to expect some little revival. After this, he had thoughts of going to London, and designed to have spent part of September at Northampton. The expectation of this was mutually agreeable, but Providence saw fit to disconcert the scheme. His love for his friends in these parts occasioned him to express some regret on his being commanded back: And I am pretty confident, from the manner in