Page:Modern Manners.djvu/10

10 A. The pallbearers always precede the casket. In case the deceased is a child, the mother and father walk arm in arm, with the other children following. A widow follows the body of her husband on the arm of her eldest son or with a daughter, with her other children following. The deceased man’s parents come next, followed by his brothers and sisters. This same rule is followed in the case of a widower following the body of his wife. If there are no children, the widow follows her husband on the arm of a brother or other near masculine relative.

Q. Do friends of the deceased who are asked to act as pallbearers actually carry the coffin?

A. It is not now usual for the pallbearers to carry the coffin. This is done by the undertaker’s assistants who are trained for this service and thus obviate any possibility of stumbling or otherwise making this solemn rite appear awkward.

Q. Should a house be set in routine order immediately after the funeral service?

A. A close friend or relative usually remains at the house after the funeral services and removes all traces of the funeral. The flowers are taken off the door, the furniture is placed in its normal position, the shades are raised and everything made as cheerful as possible. The same person as a rule makes preparations for the following meal.

Q. Is it customary to give a clergyman a fee for conducting a funeral service?

A. A Protestant clergyman does not expect a fee but if offered one he may accept it with perfect propriety. It is customary to give a Catholic priest an offering for saying a funeral mass, but there is no fixed rule as to the amount. This depends upon the circumstances of the bereaved family.

Q. Is it necessary to wear black when attending a funeral?

A. All members of the family wear black, and other persons attending dress in black if possible; otherwise any dark color may be used. It is never good taste to wear bright or conspicuous colors at such a time.

Q. Do children go in mourning for the death of a parent?

A. Children should never wear black. They may be dressed in white, and a girl of 15 or 16 may wear such colors as gray or lavender as well as white, but never black.

Q. Is it proper to send engraved cards acknowledging messages of condolence or flowers sent upon the death of a relative?

A. Such cards should never be sent to intimate friends or to those who have sent flowers or written personal notes.

Q. After a death in the family, should the calls of sympathy be returned?

A. Such calls are not returned since the family is in mourning and is not making social visits.

Q. What sort of mourning does a young married woman wear for a father, brother or a child?

A. A married woman wears for such mourning, the same sort of dress that she wears in case of widowhood with the exception of the white bonnet ruche. Many women of excellent taste simply wear black clothes, having given up funeral crepe.

Q. How long should a wedding ring be worn after the husband has died?