Page:Modern Japanese Stories.pdf/74

 not sit still. I hunted for clues. All her things were at the geisha house, however, and there was not even a dresser in the room. I found only a dirty cloth bundle in the closet. Without a clue, I ran outside, more upset than ever.

“The street on the reclaimed strand was black and lonely, and quiet except for the soft, sad lap of the waves against the stone wall. It was too late for the streetcar across Ommaya Bridge, evidently. Only the car lights on Ryōgoku Bridge were moving. The wind from the river was chilly, already an autumn wind. Absently I watched three or four shooting stars skim the high chimneys across the river. And where should I go now? I had nothing at Shimbashi. The money—I had been shamed for it, and could do nothing by way of revenge. It had been pushed upon me. For whose sake? So she had done it to me, a little whore so fresh that the egg shell was still clinging to her rump. Staring down at the water, I walked almost to the Kuramae ferry. I would feel better if I were to throw the damned money into the river.

“A figure ran up and passed me, hurrying along in short little steps. It was Kimika.

“ ‘Wait. It’s me. Where are you going?’ My voice must have been trembling.

“ ‘Oh, hello.’

“I pushed her off as she came up to me. ‘What do you mean, “Oh, hello”,’ I said. ‘You didn’t expect to see me here, did you? Look at you. If you have to cheat, you might do a better job of it.’

“She had fallen with one knee in the gravel and she did not try to get up. She hid her face in her sleeves, breathing so heavily that her shoulders shook.

“ ‘Oh, get off it.’ She said nothing and I tried to pull her up. She knelt clinging to my hand as though she expected me to hit her.

“ ‘Please. Do whatever you like with me. Hit me till you’re satisfied. That’s what I want, more than anything else in the world. Kill me. I’d be happy to be killed by you. I have nothing