Page:Memorials of Capt. Hedley Vicars, Ninety-seventh Regiment by Marsh, Catherine, 1818-1912.djvu/55

Rh first led to seek after happiness, where alone it can be found, in the religion of Jesus. I have had to battle much against the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil; but though often on the point of giving up the struggle in despair, the goodness, the long suffering, the wondrous loving-kindness of my God have guarded and watched over me, and kept me from falling utterly away from him. Oh, what cause have I to give him most humble and hearty thanks for all his goodness towards me. When I look back on my past life, nearly six and twenty years, I see nothing but an accumulation of transgression and sin. Oh, my soul, let me remember with disgust and horror that for nearly five and twenty years I was a willing servant of Satan. What aggravates my wickedness is, that it has been all committed in spite of the advice and warnings of a truly Christian mother, and how often I have silenced the voice of conscience. But why dwell any more on a life which has been wasted? Why bring up the remembrance of sins, each one of which would have murdered my soul had I died in the act of commission? I do it that they may humble and prostrate me in the dust before that holy God who has said, 'the soul that sinneth it shall die.' I acknowledge, O my God, that hell is only my desert — that were I ever consigned to its abode it would be but a just recompense for my transgressions. Let me ever keep in mind that if I am saved it must be entirely and solely through Divine mercy in Christ Jesus. Were I to be judged according to my works, I should be justly condemned. But thanks be to God for the gift of his precious Word which reveals his wondrous love in sending his only-begotten Son into the world to die for sinners. There I read that Jesus Christ was crucified for me, that he bore in his body all my sins — that his blood cleanseth from all sin — that He has paid the penalty due to sin — that He has satisfied God's intense hatred towards sin. Had my