Page:Memorials of Capt. Hedley Vicars, Ninety-seventh Regiment by Marsh, Catherine, 1818-1912.djvu/52

46 rit, or I must fall back to my old state! Oh! that I could rest more entirely on thee for strength!

"21st. — Read and prayed with Brunt. Was enabled to speak to him, but felt how little right I had to speak.

"23d. — My mind more tranquil during the day. God I thank thee that thou hast answered my prayers, and enabled me to fix my heart on my Saviour. May I live for the future to thy glory! I want to love Christ above all. Read and prayed with Brunt for some time.

"24th. — My mind more composed to-day than usual. I must have a regular system of reading the Scriptures every day. Psalm in the morning, Gospel in the afternoon, and Epistle in the evening. Did wrong in the evening in laughing at poor ——. I must give up teasing him, for it is unchristian-like. God, give me thy Holy Spirit to enable me to overcome this habit.

26th. — I begin to see more clearly every day the depravity of my heart, and my own utter inability to turn to God of myself. At the class, in the evening, about fifteen. I went to Dr. Twining's afterwards. Spoke ill-naturedly of one or two. I would that I could do two things — never speak about myself and never speak evil of any one.

27th. — Have had happy thoughts of Christ to-day. Oh! what cause have I to love Him! God, I would devote myself to thee forever. I want chiefly grace to look out of myself — to look to Christ alone. The missionary M'Gordon came to me in the evening. He is a very good man. He talked to me of Christ.

"30th. — Had thoughts of unbelief this morning. Spoke to Langford and Wilcox; hope what I said to them may prove, through God's blessing, of some good. I feel that pride is one of my most besetting