Page:Memorials of Capt. Hedley Vicars, Ninety-seventh Regiment by Marsh, Catherine, 1818-1912.djvu/107

98 when I have spoken of my life (at least, the greater part of it) to those who were then living in the indulgence of those very sins (once the inmates of my heart), I have had such thoughts as those put into my mind (and it has more than once made me doubt my sincerity in referring to myself): 'Oh, yes, if you let them know that you were once like themselves, they will think the better of you for having led what they would call a bold, fearless, dashing life; they will admire your excessive humility, think you an extraordinary character, and so on. It is positively sickening to know that I have ever been guilty of such vile thoughts. But there is, thank God! a fountain ever open in which to wash and be clean.

"It should ever be deeply humbling to the believer to make known a career of sin, although past, gone, and washed out for ever in the blood of the Lamb." "I am going to Richmond to see my dear uncle this morning, so I have only just time to write a few lines. I have made it a rule never to read any letters before prayer, and until I have read and meditated on my morning portion of God's Word; but I was strongly tempted to break my resolution, when your letter was put into my hand this morning, and I can assure you it required no small self-denial and stern resistance to wishes, to put it aside till I had offered up my early sacrifice of prayer and thanksgiving. To tell you the truth, your letters have often made me break through this very rule, although I shall not, I hope, do so again, for I never enjoy any day that has not been commenced alone with God.