Page:Memoirs of Vidocq, Volume 2.djvu/142



I a receiver of stolen goods! a criminal, in spite of myself! But yet I was one, for I had lent a hand to crime. No hell can be imagined equal to the torment in which I now existed. I was incessantly agitated; remorse and fear assailed me at once, night and day; at each moment I was on the rack. I did not sleep, I had no appetite, the cares of business were no longer attended to, all was hateful to me. All! no, I had Annette and my mother with me. But should I not be forced to abandon them? Sometimes I trembled at the thoughts of my apprehension, and my home was transformed into a filthy dungeon; sometimes it was surrounded by the police, and their pursuit laid open proofs of a misdeed which would draw down on me the vengeance of the laws. Harassed by the family of Chevalier, who devoured my substance; tormented by Blondy, who was never wearied with applying to me for money; dreading all that could occur, that was most horrible and incurable, in my situation; ashamed of the tyranny exercised over me by the vilest wretches that disgraced the earth; irritated that I could not burst through the moral chain which irrevocably bound me to the opprobrium of the human race; I was driven to the brink of despair, and, for eight days, pondered in my head the direst purposes. Blondy, the wretch Blondy, was the especial object of my wrathful indignation; I could have strangled him with all my heart, and yet I still kept on terms with him, still had a