Page:Memoir and correspondence of Caroline Herschel (1876).djvu/160

136 into any order. The next day she brought my nephew to me, who promised to fulfil all my wishes which I should have expressed on paper; he begged me not to exert myself for his father's sake, of whom he believed it would be the immediate death if anything should happen to me. . . . . Of my dear nephew's advice I could not avail myself, for I knew that at that time he had weighty concerns on his mind. And, besides, my whole life almost has passed away in the delusion that next to my eldest brother, none but Dietrich was capable of giving me advice where to leave my few relics, consisting of a few books and my sweeper. And for the last twenty years I kept to the resolution of never opening my lips to my dear brother William about worldly or serious concerns, let me be ever so much at a loss for knowing right from wrong. And so it has happened that at the time when I was stupefied by grief at seeing the death of my dear brother, I gave myself, with all I was worth, up to my brother Dietrich and his family, and from that time till the death of D. I found great difficulty to remain mistress of my own actions and opinions. In respect to the latter we never could agree. And this it was which prompted me to send Flamsteed's works to Göttingen (I would rather have kept them till now) for fear they might be offered for sale. Having about this time received very distressing accounts of family misfortunes from my brother at Hanover, I could find no rest on his account till I should have made my £500 stock over to him, but this required my presence at the bank, and I could not think of leaving Slough till my brother should be engaged for some days with his family previous to the departure of my nephew, who was going to accompany a friend abroad. And besides, I knew that my absence would then be scarcely perceived,