Page:Max Havelaar Or The Coffee Sales of the Netherlands Trading Company Siebenhaar.djvu/320

 “I did not, however, receive any instructions to surrender my charge, and, partly from a realization of the obligation not to leave my post without having been duly relieved, partly from causes of subordinate importance, I awaited the arrival of my successor, as I imagined that this officer would be here soon—at least during this month.

“I have just learnt from you that my substitute cannot be expected quite so soon—you heard this, I believe, at Serang—and also that the Resident is astonished that, in the very peculiar position in which I find myself, I have not yet asked to be allowed to place the administration in your hands.

“Nothing could please me more than this news. For I need not assure you that I, who have declared that I could not serve otherwise than as I did here I, who for this manner of serving have been punished with censure and a ruinous and dishonouring transfer  also with the command to betray the poor people who trusted in my loyalty—with the choice therefore between dishonour and destitution: that after all this I had to test with pains and care every case that presented itself, having constant regard to my duty, and that even the simplest matter was trying to, placed as I was between my conscience and the principles of the Government to which I owed loyalty as long as I was not relieved of my office.

“My difficulty became especially apparent whenever I had to give an answer to a.

“For at one time I had promised not to give up anyone to the rancour of his Chiefs!—At one time I had—with considerable imprudence!—pledged my word for the justice of the Government.

“The poor people could not know that this promise and this pledge had been disavowed, and that I stood alone, poor and powerless, with my desire for justice and humanity.

“And all the time the complaints continued!

“It was intensely painful, after the receipt of Cabinet’s missive