Page:Max Havelaar; or, the Coffee Auctions of the Dutch Trading Company (IA dli.granth.77827).pdf/395



letter, to add, before our meeting, the following considerations:—

“All my investigations about the Regent were quite secret; only and the Patteh (Adjutant of the Regent) know it, for I myself had frankly warned him. Even the Controller knows only a part of my investigations. This secrecy had a double aim. At first when I still hoped to bring back the Regent to the right way, it was my object if I succeeded not to compromise him. The Patteh thanked me in the name of the Regent for this discretion. (It was on the 12th inst.) But afterwards when I began to despair of the success of my endeavours—or rather, when the measure of my indignation overflowed on hearing of a recent occurrence;—when a longer silence would have become as an accomplice—then that secrecy would have been to  advantage; for I too have to fulfil duties towards my household and myself.

“For after writing my letter of yesterday, I should be unworthy to serve the Government, if what I wrote down then was vain, unfounded, or invented. And would or will it be possible to me to prove that I have done —to prove that I am not unworthy the functions which I have received;—to prove that I do not risk my seventeen hard years in the service of the Government, and, what is of more importance still, the interest of wife and child—will it be possible for me to prove all this, unless