Page:Louise de la Valliere text.djvu/409

Rh LOUISE DE LA. YALLIERE. 399 went on, "what has my life been up to the present moment? A cold, barren, sterile arena, in which I have always fought for others, never for myself. Sometimes for a king, sometimes for a woman. The king has betrayed me, the women dis- dained me. Miserable, unhappy wretch that I am! women! Can I not make all expiate the crime of one of their sex? What does that need? To have a heart no longer, or to forget that I ever had one; to be strong, even against weak- ness itself; to lean always, even when one feels that the support is giving way. What is needed to attain, or succeed in all that? To be young, handsome, strong, valiant, rich. I am, or shall be, all that. But honor?'* he still continued, "and what is honor, after all? A theory which every man understands in his own way. My father tells me: 'Honor is the respect of that which is due to others, and particu- larly what is due to one's self.' But De Guiche, and Mani- camp, and St. Aignan, particularly, would say to me: 'What's honor? Honor consists in studying and yielding to the passions and pleasures of one's king.' Honor such as that indeed is easy and productive enough. With honor like that I can keep my post at the court, become a gentle- man of the chamber, and accept the command of a regiment, which may have been presented to me. With honor such as that I can be both duke and peer. "The stain which that woman has just stamped upon me, the grief with which she has just broken my heart, the heart of the friend and playmate of her childhood, in no way affect Monsieur de Bragelonne, an excellent officer, a courageous leader, who will cover himself with glory at the first encounter, and who will become a hundred times greater than Mademoiselle de la Valliere is to-day, the mis- tress of the king — for the king will not marry her — and the more publicly he will proclaim her as his mistress, the thicker will become the bandage of shame which he casts in her face, in the gui;:e of a crown; and in proportion as others will despise her, as I despise her, I shall be gaining honors in the field. Alas! we had walked together side by side, she and I, during the earliest, the brightest, and best portion of our existence, hand in >and along the charming path of life, covered with the flowers of youth; and then, alas! we reach a crossroad, where she separates herself from me, in which we have to follow a diffei'ent route, whereby we become more and more widely separated from each other. And to attain the end of this path, oh. Heaven! I am now alone, in uttei despair, and crushed to the very earth!"