Page:Life and journals of Kah-ke-wa-quo-na-by.djvu/31

 My brother John was at this time studying the art of surveying at Hamilton. He came to the Meeting on Sabbath, but appeared quite indifferent about religion, so much so that I reproved him for speaking lightly of these people, and told him that I believed they were sincere, and that they were the true worshippers of the Great Spirit. "Oh," said he, "I see you will yet become a Methodist." The Meeting continued all Monday; and several discourses were delivered from the stand. My convictions at this time were deep and powerful. During the preaching I wept much. This, however, I endeavoured to conceal by holding down my head behind the shoulders of the people. I felt anxious that no one might see me weeping like an old woman, as all my countrymen consider this to be beneath the dignity of an Indian Brave. In the afternoon of this day my sorrow and anguish of soul greatly increased, and I felt as if I should sink down to hell for my sins, which I now saw to be very great, and exceedingly offensive to the Great Spirit. I was fully convinced that if I did not find mercy from the Lord Jesus, of whom I heard much, I certainly should be lost for ever. I thought if I could only get the good people to pray for me, at their prayer meetings, I should soon find relief to my mind, but had not sufficient courage to make my desires known. Oh! what a mercy that Christ did not forsake me when my heart was so slow to acknowledge him as my Lord and Saviour. Towards evening I retired into the solitary wilderness to try to pray to the Great Spirit. I knelt down by the side of a fallen tree. The rattling of the leaves over my head with the wind, made me uneasy. I retired further back into the woods, and then wrestled with God in prayer, who helped me to resolve that I would go back to the camp and get the people of God to pray for me. I went, but when I arrived at the Meeting, my fearful heart again began to hesitate. I stood by the side of a