Page:Letters to Squire Pedant in the East.pdf/52

SQUIRE PEDANT 45 nundinal and ferial occasions – nor must she be circumforaneous and multiloquous, but exhibit idoneous pudicity and obmutesence in the presence of frens, – and dextrous in the usance of euphemisms, and in keeping huggermuggers.

The evitation of saponaceous appliances and other mundifying media, to obviate somatical fetidness, and to eloin a rugose phiz and premature anility, must never denote her. She must never act the dowdy, nor be procacious, but mansuete and possess interminable longanimity - be no quidnunc, nor affect any deliquium in any subitaneous orgasm; - fumigation, ructations, and immoderate oscitation and yexing, must never be indulged in my presence.

She must also be perite in aleuromancy and capnomancy; scient in the preparation of polygenous and polymorphous refections — habile in the facture of brank and cerealeous cakes and simnels - in confecting omnigenous cates, conserves, and juncates. Eke, she must, at times, be propense to the filatory, and not be too orgillous to superintend the incubation of gallinaceous bipeds, and impart nutrication to their papous and vociferous progeny.

To all murine quadrupeds, to all vermiparous and culiciform multipeds; to all thoral cimisses in the won, she must be ruthlessly lethiferous.

Among the dandiprats she must inhibit all boation – sedulously urbanize all the factotums under her suvranty — and ultimately, she must know that I am an acephalist in my own, domicil – favorable to a synarchy, but contrariant to all gynecocracy.

I have a prenotion that the antecedaneous aggregation of physical, ethical, and economical habilitations, has a more spacious depository in you than in any other of your gender that has fallen under my vision, and in view of it, I tender to your acceptance the cinc-