Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/74

1773] believe that I shall live and that you will not go to Russia, I should eagerly desire that you might be detained in Berlin. But as I think that you always feel the need of doing difficult things, I would like, now that you are once started, that you should make the tour of the world, — in order that it might once be done ; and then, could there be repose in the future ? Hardly would you return before you would start for Montauban [where his father lived] ; and after that, other projects; for you cannot endure rest unless it be to make plans for travelling a thousand leagues. Yes, on my honour, I think it was a great misfortune for me the day that I spent one year ago at Moulin-Joli. I was far indeed from needing to form a new attachment ; my life and my soul were so filled that I was very far from desiring a new interest ; and you, you had no need of this additional proof of what you can inspire in an honourable and sensitive person. Oh ! it is pitiful ! Are we free agents ? Can what is be otherwise ? Were you not free to tell me that you would write to me often ? As for me, I am not free to cease to desire it eagerly. Having thus scolded you, I must add that you were very kind to write to me on your arrival; I deserved it, — yes, indeed I did.

Thursday, June 24, 1773.

Three times in one week ! It is too much, much too much, is it not ? But it is because I care for you enough to believe that I have made you uneasy. You must be feeling some impatience to know if I am still living. Well, yes ! I am condemned to live ; I am no longer at liberty to die ; I should do harm to one who desires to live for me. I have news of him to the 10th; it does not altogether reassure