Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/298

1775] Thursday, midnight, October 26, 1775.

You are very lucky if you can breathe at ease ; as for me it is impossible, and I cannot express what suffering it is — but it is of you I wish to speak, mon ami.

I think you will do wrong to give up M. de Saint-Germain at once. In the present hurly-burly he can see nothing ; nothing will leave a trace upon him ; whereas if you were here after the first moments are over he would draw you nearer to him ; you could be useful to him in many ways. That man falls from the clouds ; he will have a thousand questions to ask, and he has enough experience not to ask them at random. He has known you so long; you have been " his son ; " he will not fear committing himself to a young man he loves. I may be mistaken, but I regard these first moments as all-important for you. Look at the matter, mon ami ; put no false generosity, no levity into your con- duct. I tell you what I see, I know well that there is a degree of interest that affects the sight ; but you are nearer to yourself than even I am ; therefore distrust yourself.

You tell me nothing of your affairs ; what does that show? Are they ended as you wish, or have you put as much negligence into them as Mar^chal de Duras puts levity ? Oh ! what excellent negotiations ! — M. de Vaines praises you to me, and in the best manner'; it is his soul that lauds you. I tell you this to prove to you that you did not wound him that day you spoke to him of me ; but I will wound you seriously if you ever return to the charge. Mon ami, the first rule in friendship is to serve our friends in the way they wish, be it the most fantastic way in the world; we should have the delicacy to bend to their will in all that is directly personal to themselves. That prin- ciple laid down, my manner, my mania if you will, is to be served by no one ; I value intentions as others value