Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/293

272 country's good. He will have the confidence of the military because he is known to be well-trained and to have had a wide experience. No one can make better use of your talents ; he will give you active service. You ought to think of yourself. Did you not tell me that he already felt a great interest in you ? You must not turn your back to fortune.

I received your letters of Friday and Sunday ; they are short, they are rare — But, mon ami, I do not complain ; you have so many diverse interests ! and they give you so many cares that I cannot see how you will suffice for all. Do not repeat to me more than is necessary that I must " try " to accept your situation. Mon ami, those words / must try, when feelings or patience are concerned, are meaningless and mere absurdities; it is concerning be- haviour, business, matters of interest, that one should try, because all actions, all proceedings are then directed, or should be directed, by reflection ; and it is silly and thought- less to put ourselves in contradiction to its dictates and interests. But as for me, I will "try," I will make an effort, and why ? what do I propose to myself ? what do I wish ? — No, no, mon ami, I have missed the object of my life ; life has no longer any interest for me. I shall keep silence no doubt, but it will not be by " trying," it will be from weighing, estimating, judging all things, and above all, from seeing the end so near; I will calm myself, if pos- sible, during these last days of suffering. We can bear all at the end of a journey ; I desire not to cost you a regret. I have no -need of tears after death. I ask you only the indulgence and kindness shown to the sick and the unfortu- nate. Adieu, mon ami; I passed a cruel night, coughing frightfully. I have a little fever this evening, but I must write a line to M. de Vaines. I shall send this letter through him.