Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/158

1774] finances, was engaged on the matter, and that meanwhile the companies created by the Abb^ Terrai were forbidden to act. M. Turgot added that as soon as he was informed by M, de Beaumont, he would teU me if anything was planned or decided in relation to the domains ; but he could now say, in general, that the greatest respect would be shown to property. I did not stop there : I spoke of your affair to M. de Vaines, and he answered me clearly : " Tell him to be easy ; the Abb^ Terrai's project will never be carried out by M. Turgot ; I answer for that." There, mon ami, are the answers of two men which ought to reassure you ; though they are not alike, they mean, it seems to me, the same thing. I send you the verdict of which I have already told you ; I add to it a letter from M. de Condorcet, which I think so good that I have had it copied. Mon ami, do not thank me for the pains I have taken to send you what pleases me : it is not done for your sake ; it is to hear you spoken of ; for I still retain much lik- ing for your mind, which is excellent and very natural. Adieu. Friday, September 23, 1774. Mon ami, I make you a victim ; I write to you so much that I oppress you. It is the only occupation that makes me believe I still live; and, though I think that to be quite dead is a better state, I find, while suffering, a certain sweetness in turning toward you. If you do not understand me you will hear me at any rate, and answer me, for it is very sad to have no letters from you. Here are two couriers missed, Monday and Wednesday, and it is I who have done myself that harm ; for, without loving me, you would certainly have continued to write to me punctually. Ah! good God! to what excess I have been carried ! I loved you and hated you with fury. It was only the last transport of a soul about to vanish forever — and in truth I have not felt it since ; I do