Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/149

130 result, the last effect of the passion which agitated me. I am far from making for myself a merit of the calmness to which I have returned ; it is, in fact, another blessing from the man I adored. I will not explain to you all that has passed within me during the last fifteen days ; sufficient to say that I know myself no longer : the thought of you no longer fills my mind, and if remorse were not beside my grief, I believe the thought of you would be very far away from me. Not that I could ever cease to feel a friendship for you, and an interest in your happiness ; but this will be a tempered feeling, which may, if you respond to it, give me many moments of sweetness without ever troubling or tor- turing my soul. Oh ! with what horrors it has been filled ! It seems to me miraculous that I have not succumbed to the despair to which I have been brought. But this shock by depressing my body has given tone to my soul : it remains tender, but it feels no passion. No longer do I feel hatred, or vengeance, or — Ah, mon Dieu ! what word was I about to utter? one that was no more allied to my thought than to the memory of M. de Mora. I still owe to him all that my heart can feel that is most consoling, most tender, regrets and tears. All the details that you have sent me have been bathed in my tears. I thank you for them ; I owe to you a sensation which I prefer to all pleasure that does not come from my thoughts of M. de Mora.

I have read and re-read your letters, that from Bordeaux, and that of the 8th from Montauban. I pity you sincerely for being so agitated and tormented without any absolute reason for it ; but vague troubles are fugitive, at least I hope so, for I desire your peace and happiness with all my soul. I cannot trouble either the one or the other, though your delicacy may make you suffer for the harm you have done me. I forgive it from the bottom of my heart ; forget it,