Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/132

1774] proach you ; I do not think I have the right to do so, and I should be grieved to displease you. The interest that I bear you makes me suffer from a thousand things that are of no account to you ; one must love, to be aware of the harm one does to those who love us ; the mind alone does not give the delicacy with which one ought to treat a sick and unliappy soul. But exordiums are wearisome ; let us come to the fact.

Mon ami, you wish to keep the object of your journey a secret from me ; if it is a good object why do you fear to tell it to me ? And if this journey will shock my heart, why make it ? If you do not owe your love to me, you owe it to yourself to be honourable and not deceive me. Never do you give me an unreserved confidence ; what you say to me seems to escape you, and as if you hardly consented to let it do so. You started yesterday, and you did not tell me where you were going ; I do not now know where you are ; I am completely ignorant of you, and of your actions. Mon ami, is that the behaviour of even the commonest friend- ship ? And do you believe that I can think without pain, that of your own free will you will be twelve days without hearing of me ? Do you suppose that I was not distressed when, knowing you were about to leave me, you would not give me your last evening in Paris ? If you loved me you would have seen the hurt you gave me when you told me, Saturday evening, that the next day you should spend with Mme. d'Archambal. I did not find a word to say in reply, but I suffered.