Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/120

1774] cause those hours put a stop to your activity. There is no way then of going to see Madame Such-a-one, or Gluck, etc., or of doing a hundred useless things, in which you seem to take an interest solely to leave me earlier. Do not think that these are reproaches ; they are only remarks which I cannot, with the degree of interest that I feel, prevent myself from making. But I am so far from wishing to exact any- thing that I tell myself, a hundred times a day, it is myself over whom I ought to hold empire ; I ought to reduce my feelings to the point where, not having sufficient force to wring the soul, we claim nothing and are grateful for all ; in other words, if passion be in my soul I ought to conquer it rather than seek to make you share it. And do you know, mon ami, what it is that may enable me to find the strength to do so ? It is the inward conviction which I have that it is not in you to make the happiness of an active and pas- sionate soul. I shall not say to you what it would be so natural to think, namely : that I am not made to inspire a deep sentiment ; that I ought not to pretend to please, to fix a heart. All that is true, no doubt ; but it is not that which makes me tell you that it is not in you to make the happiness of a strong and feeling soul. I will give to that soul the face of Mme. de Forcalquier, the nobleness of Mme. de Brionne, the graces of Aglae, and the wit of Mme. de. . . adorned, or rather, grafted with that of Mme. de Boufflers, and when I have composed that perfect being I say again that it is not in you to make her happiness. Why so ? Ah ! why ? — because, with you, loving is a mere incident of your age, and is not a part of your soul, though it agitates it occasionally ; your soul is, above all things, lofty, noble, grand, active, but it is neither tender nor impassioned.

Ah ! believe me, I am in despair at seeing to such depths ; I have such need of loving, such pleasure in loving that