Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/116

1774] I wish him worse still, namely : that he may love no more, and that he may henceforth inspire indifference only. Those are the prayers, that is the wish of the soul that has loved him best and has the greatest need of extinction forever. 1774. I am alone at this moment and I wish to tell you at once that I do not count upon you to go to the Duchesse d'An- ville's. You will be always agreeable to me, but seldom useful, and I wish I could add, little necessary. In trying to restore my confidence, you prove to me how justly my dis- trust was founded ; for I still miss three letters, one, espe- cially, YD. which I spoke to you of Gonsalve [M. de Mora]. You will doubtless find those three letters in some pocket of your portfolio; perhaps they are with that fourth volume that I ought to receive to-day.

I notice that you make it your pleasure to pay attentions to Mme. de. . . ; you give, and lend her, whatever gives you pleasure ; to me, it is the opposite extreme, — negligence, forgetfulness, refusal. It is three months since you promised me a book which belongs to you; I have now borrowed it from some one else. N"o doubt it is best that this dis- obliging manner should fall on me ; that is only right, and I complain solely of the excess of it. Good-night ! If work costs you your nights, you must regret very much the use- less visits that fill your days. Among the letters you have sent back to me one is not mine ; but I swear that I will never return it to you. 1774. Return to me the two old letters. I am not asking you for those of Cicero or Pliny. I desire not to see you, never to see you again. Eegret is better — is it not ? — than remorse. At the moment when you receive this I will wager that