Page:Letters of Mlle. de Lespinasse.djvu/101

84 I cannot imagine why ; for my friends take my letters them- selves to the general post-of&ce. Why have you renounced your journey to the North ? I cannot believe it is solely to shorten the period of your absence. To whom are you mak- ing the sacrifice of Sweden ? If some one has exacted it, you are doubtless content. Well, if your return is hastened I will love the person or thing that is the cause of it. But next year ? must you go to Eussia ? and must you not go at once to Montauban ? and then to that country-seat where you will find pleasm-e and seek happiness, and then — and then — but no matter, anything is better than Sweden; and I know not — that is, something tells me not to be anxious about what may happen next year; as you say yourself, there is time between now and then to die a hundred times.

You have made me a reproach ; I have a mind to return it : are you guilty of what the Chevalier de Chastellux has writ- ten to me, namely, that I love you deeply ? How does he know it ? I have given my secret to none but you and him to whom I tell all. Can it be that you have told the Cheva- lier ? If it were so, I could only thank you, and complain. M. d'Alembert is at this moment with Mme. Geoffrin. I do not doubt she will think it a pleasure to write to the King of Poland [Stanislas-Poniatowski]. It occurs to me that in this long letter I have omitted a rather interesting point : my health ; it is detestable ; I cough frightfully, and with such effort that I spit blood. I spend a part of my life unable to speak ; my voice is extinct, but this of all inconveniences is the one that suits the inclinations of my soul the best ; I like silence, meditation, retirement. I do not sleep, or scarcely so, and I am never dull. You will think from this that I must be very happy. If I add that I would not change my condition for that of any other living being you will think