Page:Letters from the Battle-fields of Paraguay (1870).djvu/510



480 * CONCLUDING LETTER.

stances which have taken place in our house make me stand ashamed before the world ; and, but for your letter, I should perhaps have felt a repugnance to taking up my pen and to tracing a word upon subjects as monstrous as they are horrifying. You invoke, however, the sad memories of the day, and you ask me to write to you. This overcomes my objections, and I still write, although hardly knowing what to say.

" I cannot express to you, mamma, all the pain with which I read your letter, because, after all my requests to Senor Sanchez, that he would disclose to you from me the know- ledge which I possess of the unhappy affair to which you refer, I should have expected, however hard it might have been, something more natural and frank. Poor mamma ! You, perhaps, do not know that I have already passed through every possible bitterness in this monstrous affair without daring to complain. But, I thank you, my mar- tyrdom reached its crisis when I learned the facts. I fear on my part further to embitter this day by dwelling upon a subject not less bitter than the worst which happened six years ago. Useless were all my endeavours, and vain were all my hopes ; and again I explain — or rather others explain for me — the cause. All arrayed themselves against me, and none busied himself save with his victim. But God permitted light to shine through the darkness ; my enemies were confounded, and I am still here. I am all in all to you, and would to heaven ! — would to heaven ! that I could be so for all those who did not think to require my help.

'^ Venancio, Benigno, and Ynocencia, are in good health.

" "Were I allowed a word of advice, I would recommend you not to show excessive alarm concerning all that is hap- pening : it would hardly be prudent, although a mother's tender heart requires some expansion.