Page:Lessons In Search of Greatness.djvu/35

Rh or virtuous Reformer wishes to vote for me, I am not the man who will put his great foot upon that man or woman who thus votes for me; but, by jingoes, I nearly forgot one very important thing; that is, the Woman Question. I am a "buster" on beautiful, charming women

Spectators.—[Roar.] Ha! ha! ha!

S. P., Esq.— That seems to make you tear your tarnal ugly mouths wide open, but if you are too stupid to appreciate this question of your mamma's, you are not fit to vote for me; and they who dare to ascribe evil motives to women, because they want to go to the polls to vote and fight on election day, are jackasses, with long ears inside of their befuddled brains.

Spectators.—[Manifest displeasure.] Ho-o-o.

S. P., Esq.—You may well grunt.

Look, here come the dam-sells of my choice. [To ] Ladies of the ballot, I have just this moment pictured your rights to this crowd of fellows, who kind of groaned, when I shoved your lawful rights under their pug noses! But, [Grins and smiles.] I'll be darned, if I wouldn't rather be elected by your votes, as an independent candidate for Judge of the Supreme Court for Criminals, than by these [Points to ] ragamuffins, and if you will elect me, damn me, if I don't sentence every son of a mother, of this crowd, [Points to them.] for life the moment I sit on that lofty bench! [A riot takes place; throw things at Simon Pure, Esq. The Women surround him, and dash things back;  is elevated by ]

Simon Pure, Esq.— Order in the Court. [Pointing to ] Say, you fellows, you must behave in this august Court, [They are all as quiet as mice.] you are not at a political meeting now, where I am making a speech, begging for your dirty votes, and I warn you in due time, that I am an immaculate and almighty Court, and if you misbehave in the very least; especially, you male cattle who have opposed woman's rights, I'll be da— [Stops, halts and changes this word.] be blasted, if I don't imprison you in the dungeons of the Penitentiary for your natural, contemptible lives! Ahem! Do you hear that, and do you see my greatness now? Ahem! I suppose you know now that I was born to be the greatest man that ever lived! [Looks at ] Go on with those cases of repeating at the polls.

Mrs. Prosecuting Attorney.—[A strong minded ] Which are they, your noble honor?

S. P., Esq.—[Haughty.] Ahem! It is some of that white trash over there! [Points amongst the ] Bring them into