Page:Lessons In Search of Greatness.djvu/30

28, who is sick for the want of greasy lucre, and who will get us a divorce; hence, we keep intact, our virtuous Similibus principle and Saccharine Lacta philosophy.

''Mrs. S. P.—No. 2.''—Oh! noble and great, Simon Pure, Esq., you always have a remedy, and if it were not necessary to change our remedies sometimes, to produce new impressions, I almost swear that I would not adhere to our motto, but it is always better to be out of the world than out of the fashion; therefore, I obey our holy Similibus, which must cause the infinitesimal spirit of Hahnamann to smile similarly! [Smiles and grins.]

S. P., Esq.—By Jupiter and Venus, you are proving the infallibility of Similibus; because you see how our similar loves were cured by the sweet dose of connubiality. Ahem! All one has to do, when sick, in the Homeopathic practice is, to abstain from gross Allopathic doses of poison, live up to Nature's laws and have faith in sugary things, which are so sweet and easy to take, that even innocent babes, like you and I. cry for them, and thus our ills are instantly cured by simultaneous combustion! Ha! ha! ha! [Touches her under the chin.]

Mrs. S. P.— No. 2.—Ha! ha! ha! Noble Simon Pure, Esq., I must leave you now, having an engagement, with a young gentleman, who is my new Similibuster! [Exit laughing.]

S. P., Esq.—[Looks after her, and acts jealous, &c.] By gad. I don't know as I like too much of that Similibustering. [Acts vexed and angry.] But, I hear some one come, it must be Miss Loveliness! [Smacks his lips.] She is the sugar pill for me! Yes, the aroma arising from our similia-bussing has impregnated the atmosphere for miles around, so that thousands of married and single people, who suffered from similar diseases, partook of a similar dose of sweet Similibus, and to the utter astonishment of my own great self, all were made calm and healthy! Now, in the name of all the trouble that I have ever had, whilst in search of greatness, what proved so delightful as stepping down the ladder to the sweet panaceas of Similia Similibus Curentur? These delightful prescriptions produce no griping, no pain, no dread, short of a few months, anyhow! hence, I universally recommend Homeopathy to all who sutler from the plantonic diseases that carry no huge complicated suppers—like my Allopathic wife,—nor foreign matter of any kind with them through life! [Smacks his lips.] I now, even now, feel like similia-bussing Miss Loveliness, who is coming this way.

Isn't she luscious? [Wipes his mouth, opens his arms to her.] Come to my sweet bosom, you Homeopathic dose of Similia. [''Kisses her amorously. Enter with a huge cane.'']

Mr. L.—[Grasps ] Simon Pure, Esq., you are a turn-coat, and free-lover, two properties, I despise, hence I shall give you a taste of sugar cane in an Allopathic dose.

S. P., Esq.—[Falls upon, his knees, implores, &c.] Indeed! indeed! Mr. Loveliness, I am damnably opposed to Allopathic