Page:Laugh and grow fat, or, The comical budget of wit (3).pdf/3

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ed the field of Bannockburn, so celebrated for the total defeat of the English army, by Robert the Bruce, with an army of Scotch heroes, not one fourth their number;—A sensible countryman pointed out the positions of both armies, the stone, "where the Bruce’s standard was fixed dur- ing the battle, &c. Highly satisfied with his at- tention, the gentleman, on leaving him, pressed his acceptance of a crown-piece:—‘ Na, na,’ said the honest man, returning the money, ‘ keep your crown-piece, the English had paid dear en- ough already for seeing the field of Bannockburn.’

In a party of ladies, on it being reported that a Captain Silk had arrived in town, they exclaim- ed, with one exception, ‘ What a name for a soldier !’ ‘ The fittest name in the world,’ re- joined a witty female, ‘ for Silk never can be Worsted !’

Some time since at one of our sea-ports, a noble naval commander, who is a strict disciplin- arian accosted a drunken sailor in the street, with ‘ What ship do you belong to ?’ Jack, who was a dry fellow, notwithstanding he was drunk, and had a very eccentric countenance, answered with much sang froid, ‘ Don’t know.’ 'What’s your captain's name ?’ ‘ Don’t know.’ ‘ Do you know who I am ?’ 5 No.’ ‘ Why I am com- mander in chief.’ ‘ Then,’ replied he archly, "you have a d—d good birth of it, that’s all I know !’

Hugh Arnot happening to come into Mr. Creach's shop one day, when an old woman was