Page:Laugh and grow fat, or, The comical budget of wit (2).pdf/6

 cer, who was indicted for a very gross assault, opened the case in the following manner:—My Lord, I am counsel for the crown; and I am first to acquaint your Lordship, that this soldier.—Nay, Sir, says the military hero, I would have you know, Sir, I am an officer—O Sir, I beg your pardon, says the Counsellor, very drily; Why then, my Lord, to speak more correctly, this officer, who is no soldier.

Charles Fox, in a Westminster election, having applied to a shopkeeper for his vote and interest, the man produced a halter, with which he said he was ready to oblige him. Mr. Fox thanked him for his kindness, but said he would by no means deprive him of it, as he presumed it was a family-piece.

An old bawd being carried before the late Justice Bond, for keeping a disorderly house; strongly denied all that was charged against her.Housewife! housewife! said the Justice, how have you the assurance to deny it? You do keep a bawdy-house, and I will maintain it.—Will you, replied the old bawd: the Lord bless you! I always took you to be a kind-hearted gentleman.

Some time ago a member of Parliament applied to the Post-office, to know why some of his franks had been charged. The answer was,—we suppose, Sir, they were not of your writing. The hand is not the same. Why, not precisely the same; but the truth is, I happened to be a little tipsy when I wrote them.—Then, Sir, will