Page:Laugh and grow fat, or, The comical budget of wit (2).pdf/3

 ed the field of Bannockburn, so celebrated for the total defeat of the English army, by Robert the Bruce, with an army of Scotch heroes, not one fourth their number:—A sensible countryman pointed out the positions of both armies, the stone where the Bruce's standard was fixed during the battle, &c. Highly satisfied with his attention, the gentleman, on leaving him, pressed his acceptance of a crown-piece:—"Na, na," said the honest man, returning the money, "keep your crown-piece, the English hae paid dear enough already for seeing the field of Bannockburn."

In a party of ladies, on it being reported that a Captain Silk had arrived in town, they exclaimed, with one exception, "What a name for a soldier!" "The fittest name in the world," rejoined a witty female, "for Silk never can be Worsted!"

Some time since, at one of our sea-ports, a noble naval commander, who is a strict disciplinarian, accosted a drunken sailor in the street, with "What ship do you belong to?" Jack, who was a dry fellow, notwithstanding he was drunk, and had a very eccentric countenance, answered with much sang froid, "Don't know." "What's your captain's name?" "Don't know," "Do you know who I am?". "No." "Why I am commander in chief." "Then," replied he archly, "you have a dd good birth of it, that's all I know!"

Hugh Arnot happening to come into Mr. Creech's shop one day, when an old woman was