Page:Laugh and grow fat, or, The comical budget of wit (2).pdf/15

15 he) my own captain, my own lieutenant, my own cornet,—and trumpeter also, I presume, said a certain witty duchess.

When Mr. Fox was canvassing for Westminster, he called on a butcher in St. James' market, to solicit his vote. The knight of the cleaver, without ceremony, thus answered his appplicationapplication [sic]: Sir, I admire your head, but damn your heart! to which Mr. Fox replied, Sir, I admire your candour, but damn your manners!

A learned Scottish lawyer being just called to the Bench, sent for the peruke-maker to measure him for a new tye-wig. The peruquier, on applying his apparatus in one direction, was observed to smile. Upon which the worthy judge desired to know what ludicrous circumstance gave rise to his mirth? The barber replied, that he could not but remark the extreme length of his honour's head. That's well, (said Lord S.) we lawyers have occasion for long heads! The barber, who by this time had completed the dimensions, now burst out into a fit of laughter; and an explanation being insisted on, at last declared, that he could not possibly contain himself, when he discovered that his Lordship's head was just as thick as it was long!

A certain Bishop had a Biscayan man-servant, whom he ordered one festival to go to a butcher, who was called David, for a piece of meat, and then come to the church, where the Bishop was to preach. The Bishop, in his sermon, bringing authorities from the Scripture in this manner;