Page:Laugh and grow fat, or, The comical budget of wit (2).pdf/10

10 R. Palmer meeting Lady Derby some time since, and having acted with her for many years in theatres, barns, and stables, he thought it no vast presumption to ask her Ladyship how she did. The Countess, raising her eye-glass, looked doubtful a few moments, and at last lisped out, "Mr. Palmer, if I mistake not." "I am sorry you have lost your eyes by star-gazing," said Bob, contemptuously, and walked on.

Quin being one day in a coffee-house, saw a young beau enter, in an elegant negligee dress, quite languid with the heat of the day. "Waiter!" said the coxcomb, in an affected faint voice, "waiter, fetch me a dish of coffee, weak as water, and cool as a zephyr!" Quin, in a voice of thunder, immediately vociferated, 'Waiter, bring me a dish of coffee, hot as h-ll, and strong as d—mn—n!' The beau starting, exclaimed, 'Waiter, what is that gentleman's name?' Quin, in his usual tremendous tone, exclaimed, 'Waiter, pray what is that lady's name?'

A Highlander was visited on his death-bed by his clergyman, who exhorted Donald to prepare for another world, by a sincere repentance of all the crimes he had committed on earth; and earnestly urged the absolute necessity of forgiving his enemies. Donald shrugged up his shoulders at this hard request; yet he at last agreed to forgive every everyevery [sic] person who had injured him, except one, who had long been the Highlander's mortal foe, and of whom Donald hoped the parson would make an exception. The holy man, however, insisted so much on this point, that